My aging mother-in-law was recently referred to a specialist for diagnosis of a sudden weakness in her arm. There was some foul- up, however, and it took several requests before her medical records reached the specialist’s office. Since we didn’t know about this delay, we had to go back a couple of times before he could examine her.

Then the report he sent to her regular doctor seemed to disappear, as well. Fortunately, she’s OK, and should recover from this weakness.

We wouldn’t say such delays and losses of medical records are normal. But neither are they entirely unknown.

In your case, you’re lucky. Her prognosis is good, so the only penalty resulting from the delay in transferring your mother-in- law’s medical records to the specialist’s office was the inconvenience and expense of having to go back more than once. But you’re right to be concerned. If her condition had been more acute, wasting a single day in diagnosing and treating her condition might have dramatically worsened her prospects for a full recovery.

That’s why we recommend that families keep their own copies of important medical records at home.

Most people are shy about asking for their medical records, and are easily deterred from obtaining a copy. But the law clearly establishes a patient’s right to receive copies of all medical reports and test results, as well as x-rays and other images. The provider is allowed to charge you a nominal fee for copying, but they rarely do.

We suggest you immediately submit a written request to your mother-in-law’s regular doctor, asking for a full copy of her medical records.

Once you obtain it, label it clearly, and store it in a safe place. Keep any films flat, so they don’t curl or crack as time goes by.

Remember to bring the records whenever your mother-in-law visits a new physician.

To keep your mother-in-law’s medical file up to date, always ask for copies of all new tests and specialist reports. If you make this request, face to face, at the beginning of each visit, you’ll find it quickly becomes a habit, and you’ll usually get very prompt compliance.

Most of the time, a specialist’s office staff will agree to send you the copies within a few days or a week, usually around the same time they send their report to the referring physician. But don’t forget that you’ve asked for the report. Write yourself a reminder, and if you haven’t received the additional medical paperwork within a reasonable time, ask again. Also, don’t be satisfied with just the interpretive or diagnostic report. Ask for copies of the original test results or images, too.

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Dear Francine and Robert:

My husband and I have been helping his aging parents maintain a good quality of life for several months, now.

I’m happy to be of assistance to them, but they’re stubborn and secretive people. They won’t sign any of the paperwork that we’ve learned about, like a power of attorney or an organ donation form. They won’t even reveal whether they have a simple will.

Aren’t we right to insist they put all this paperwork in order?

Signed, Need Some Signatures

Dear Need Some Signatures:

Yes, you’re right to be interested in having them execute the proper paperwork. But just because you understand this simple reality does not mean your in-laws are going to accept the idea or sign on the dotted line.

In fact, you’ll probably create a family feud if you force your in-laws to reveal their secrets or sign any papers they think are suspicious.

The best way to proceed is to make sure your husband agrees with the idea of having them execute the appropriate legal documents. If he’s against it, there’s no chance they’ll give in. You’ll probably need the concurrence of his brothers and sisters, along with most other family members, as well.

Once you’re sure you’re not swimming against the tide, encourage the family to engage a lawyer who specializes in the needs and issues of aging parents. Get his advice on exactly what documents they ought to be executing.

But before the lawyer draws up any of these papers, the family should start having conversations with your in-laws about the important issues, such as: “What will happen if you get sick, Mom?” “Who would you want to make medical decisions for you, in case you can’t, Dad?” “What do you think about organ donations?”

Once you get Mom and Dad alerted to these matters, their friends and relatives will no doubt share lots of stories about real people who did, and who didn’t, execute the correct documents, complete with lurid details about the resulting impact of what they did.

After a period of time, your in-laws will begin talking about these matters, and will start make progress toward final decisions. As they do, write things down: how they feel about wanting to be resuscitated, kept on life support, donate their organs after death, and so forth.